Lakyn’s Litter: God’s timing | Lifestyles

Earlier this month, my mother-in-law Lisa sent me a photo that had been circulating on Facebook. It was a picture of a negative pregnancy test with the words, “His time, not mine” written on it. Along with the photo, Lisa added in the text, “I can’t help but think of you when I see something like this. Oh, how discouraged you were when you could not get pregnant. As I always told you, only in God’s time. Now look at you, a wonderful devoted mother to three beautiful babies.” 

Looking at this message, I could not help but have such mixed feelings. When you are struggling with infertility, the last thing you want to hear from someone is, “It is all part of God’s plan” or “When you stop trying, it will happen.” As well-meaning as these sentiments seem, it does not help soften the blow nor does it help one magically become pregnant. These words came to me frequently, often from those who loved me the most, yet I could only see red when I was told, “When you stop trying, it will happen.” 

During the 16 long months on our infertility journey, I could not see past my anger and frustration at God. I could not understand how we were having to go to doctor appointments, do monthly blood work and try different prescriptions while there were others who get pregnant on accident. I remember months and months of crying, holding my negative pregnancy tests and asking God why he was punishing me? What had I done to have to experience infertility? I thought God was not listening to me anymore. 

But God heard. Aug. 25, 2017 will forever be one of my favorite memories. That was the day God delivered on my prayers. I finally witnessed those sacred two lines. Just to be sure, I went to Walgreens and purchased approximately five more boxes of tests. After being reassured that I was indeed pregnant, I felt myself truly breathe for the first time in more than a year. 

When I got home from work, I was so giddy being able to prepare my big announcement for my husband Colby. The onesie I had purchased almost two years prior for this very moment would finally get its debut. Watching Colby cry after realizing he was going to be a dad will always hold such a special place in my heart. We then ordered big-cousin shirts for our nieces and nephew to announce to our families. As our moms, dads and siblings shared happy tears with us, it really makes you realize that the infertility struggle does not just affect you and your husband. 

After having KJ, God gave us a surprise a little more than a year later with the news of our Bradley Kate. I remember going from store to store trying to find a big-brother shirt for KJ to wear and “announce” to Colby of Baby No. 2. There weren’t any tears from him during this announcement or from anyone else. I am pretty sure everyone was pretty speechless. After so many obstacles and struggles, I don’t think anyone expected us to be announcing baby No. 2 so soon. Honestly, neither did we. 

Now, here we are a little more than a year from finding out we were pregnant with baby No. 3, and I think that text message from Lisa hits home even more now. Colby and I had been blessed with a perfectly healthy baby boy and baby girl and we thought our family was complete. God had answered our prayers. And then Jan. 31, 2021 happened. I don’t even know what prompted me, but I took a pregnancy test that morning. When I saw those two lines, I began crying uncontrollably. So much so that Colby thought something was seriously wrong when I called him into the bedroom. He handled the news a whole lot better than I did and spent well over an hour consoling and reassuring me that it would all be OK. 

I remember asking God the same questions that I would ask during my infertility struggle. I could not even begin to figure out how we would physically, emotionally and financially be able to take care of a 3-year-old, 1-year-old and newborn. I cried for weeks and prayed for a change of heart. 

But God’s timing — some way, somehow — God knew that I needed Rynlee Ann. After losing my mom in August 2020, I was left with such a large void in my life. I did not know how to properly deal with my pain and experienced some of the lowest moments of my life. I thought having another baby would destroy the little bit of me that was left, but God’s plan was bigger than that. Rynlee was the perfect gift at the most unexpected time. Since her birth, I feel like I am finally healing from the damage left from losing Mom and Dad. In a way, I feel like she saved me. 

“His timing, not mine.” 

Baby News

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