Who should be allowed in a pregnant couple’s OBGYN sessions? That’s the question a future dad is asking Reddit’s “AITA” forum after his MIL decided that she would like to join in. According to the Reddit user, she has always been “controlling” over her daughter. His MIL has never been happy with the fact that her daughter ended up with him, and went out of the way to make this displeasure clear.
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“One example is she would invite boys over to the house that she wanted to date her daughter even when my wife and I were already dating,” he wrote. “While we were dating (for 4 years), my now wife got home late – she was living with her parents at the time – and her ex boyfriend was waiting for her. My MIL wanted her to dump me and continue dating her ex.”
The trouble has continued since then, and heightened now that the couple is expecting. “Once we told her we were pregnant, she immediately asked for the schedule of doctor appointments so that she could take off work and be at them,” the Reddit user wrote. “She insists that it is normal for the mother of the pregnant woman to go to these appointments.”
The couple is pushing back, saying that they’d rather she not come. That’s only made things worse. The MIL has been calling them and saying that they’re taking away some of the happiest moments of her life. Now, the user is concerned they’re in the wrong. “I think I could be the a-hole because this is a special moment for not just us but also our parents and I don’t want to take that away from them,” he wrote.
People rushed to the comment section to reassure him that this it is not, in fact, normal for a MIL to insist she come to appointments. They reinforced that the couple should set boundaries ASAP. “NTA, unfortunately if you think things are bad now wait until you have the baby shower drama!” one person commented. “You and your wife need to be on the same page and set healthy boundaries. There will be push back and guilt trips but stay firm.”
Others suggested that the couple go to therapy to figure out the best way to handle this delicate situation. “Seriously, go to counseling and learn how to stand up to her,” a user wrote. “No is a complete sentence. You need to stop giving her info, so info diet and grey rock – if you aren’t familiar with the term it’s as the name implies. Be a grey rock. She asks for details, ‘It’s handled,’ ‘we have it under control,’ etc.”
Lots of people said that if the couple isn’t firm with her now, there’s a good chance she’ll want to be in the delivery room which would be … yikes. Not only that, but if she’s being like this now before the baby is even born, how will she be when it comes — and in the future? “She’s going to stomp major boundaries,” someone cautioned. “Start setting and enforcing them now.”
What do you think the OP should do in this situation?
Childbirth is nothing like in the movies, as these beautiful photos show.