Your Children Weren’t Meant to Fulfill You

When it comes to living a fulfilling life, there are many different ways that we can look at what that means. While having children can be a piece of that, they aren’t the entire picture of what it means to be fulfilled. We have a limited amount of time, so it is only natural to wonder if you are doing enough.

Sometimes we tend to stake our happiness on having children, but this is a form of unfair pressure we’re putting on them. Relying on others, including our children, to make us happy doesn’t work. You can still experience a lot of joy from your kids without relying on them to fulfill you.

Relying on Your Kids Will Not Fulfill You

The drive to have kids of our own is something that many people experience. We often think of this as a huge chapter in our lives, and we are right. Having kids is a big deal, but it is also one of the most challenging jobs in the world. We love them so much, but it is no secret that parents will sometimes burn out. Being that needed by another person, never mind the sleep deprivation, is exhausting. We rely on our kids to bring us happiness, and while they do, our lives can’t be entirely fulfilled by them. Here are some reasons why.

They’re a constant rollercoaster ride.

There is no doubt that the highs with kids are the best, but the lows are so rough. Kids can make us so happy, but they also stress us out and frustrate us more than anything else in our lives. The ups and downs are intense, so it can be hard to be completely fulfilled. According to a study from Princeton University and Stony Brook University, parents and nonparents have similar levels of life satisfaction. The difference lies in that parents experience more daily joy and stress than nonparents.

They’re expensive.

Caring for children is expensive. This piece can add additional stress to your life. According to the 2015 Consumer Expenditures Survey, in a middle-income family with two kids, you can expect to spend almost $13,000 per year per child. This number can be staggering and leads to about $284,570 for one child born in 2015 if you consider inflation.

You need to recognize your other dreams.

Many women have other dreams that don’t include children. While kids may be one of their dreams, it doesn’t mean that it’s the only one. The truth is that in a few short years if you do your job right, your kids will be out of the house and thriving on their own. You will no longer have someone who constantly needs you. What will you do then? If you give up on your own dreams now, you may struggle to pick them back up again when the kids have flown the coop. Continuing to follow your passions can be so crucial for your life fulfillment.

Find What Fulfills You

When it comes down to it, we need to look inside ourselves for fulfillment. Expecting other people to provide this fulfillment for us will only lead to disappointment. The concept of fulfillment is about more than just happiness but also an internal sense of wholeness. According to a 2022 study by psychologists Doris Baumann and Professor Willibald Ruch, pursuing fulfillment is key to our mental health.

The question then is how to do it. If having kids wasn’t meant to be your fulfillment, then what was? Here are some ideas for finding what fulfills you.

1. Focus on your relationships.

While our relationships with our kids are important here, you need to also look at building other relationships in your life. A study by Harvard concluded that good relationships keep us both happier and healthier. The key here isn’t just having relationships but the interactions and connections that make them up.

2. Spend your time wisely.

If there’s anything that we know too well as a mom, time seems to accelerate as soon as we have kids. They seem to grow overnight, and we are more aware of the passing of time. Be present in the moments and try to accomplish something meaningful daily. Try to structure your days to give yourself an hour to focus on something solely for your fulfillment.

3. Forgive yourself and others.

To go along with the importance of time, get rid of hate and forgive yourself and others quickly. Holding onto grudges will distract you from enjoying your life. Everyone makes mistakes, and the sooner you can forgive, the better off your relationships will be.

4. Find a purpose in your work.

Even if your career isn’t the big dream of your life, you can still find something in it to value. Or maybe your career is raising your kids. That’s okay. You can do other work that will add purpose and meaning to your life outside of your kids. Do you have a passion for animals? Volunteer or donate money to a shelter or start fostering rescues. Do you love to work with your hands? Start a hobby that you can engross yourself in for a few minutes a day or an hour a week. Find a purpose that is just for you.

5. Chase your dreams.

Finding purpose is essential in fulfilling yourself. Whether this is through your work or chasing big dreams, that’s up to you. Try to find some sort of purpose in both. Building toward a goal will help keep you focused, and you can celebrate the milestones along the way.

By realizing that the key to fulfillment is within yourself, you can take a ton of pressure off your interactions with your kids and focus on enjoying the moments with them instead. Even if one of your main goals in life was to raise children, that isn’t the only ambition that you had. Focus on leading a well-rounded life, and your family will benefit.

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